What can we do for ourselves next year to support the grieving process?
Have you made any New Year's resolutions yet?
Grief processing can be an important part of your New Year's resolutions.
Grief processing and New Year's resolutions
New Year's resolutions mean that you are open to self-improvement, whether it's healthy eating, exercise, coping with grief, or even paying off loans and managing your finances better.
You will surely find plenty of articles about self-care, but only a few will help you find the root of the problem. Unfortunately, we often do things that we know are not good for us. It is essential to look at yourself this way if you want to have a better chance of success.
Why do we do things that we know are harmful?
This is what we learned The most common behaviors we want to change are rooted in misconceptions we learned as children. The biggest one is related to eating, which is why resolutions related to this are always so popular. Remember how, as a child, you were told, "Don't be sad! Here's a cookie." Later, when you broke up with someone, you might have heard, "Don't cry! Let's go get some ice cream!" These well-intentioned phrases reinforced the idea that you should eat when you're feeling down. The point is that cookies or ice cream won't make you feel better, just different. Pretty soon, you find yourself eating to avoid bad feelings. Even if you're not aware of it.
• Behaviors you engage in to avoid painful feelings temporary energy releasersThese include drinking, shopping, video games, workaholism, excessive exercise, or anything else that keeps you from living in the moment. It is also worth noting that many of the temporary energy-releasing behaviors are the very things that most people want to change in their New Year's resolutions.
• How are we doing with our habits? Do you put the same leg into your pants first when you get dressed, or take the same route to the store? You probably do these things without thinking. What you practice, you become good at. The more you practice behaviors that are harmful, the better you become at them after a while. The good news is that the more you practice positive behaviors, the better you will become at them.
• What about unprocessed grief? Most of the behaviors that people want to change are related to unprocessed grief, which you might not think about. In society, we don't talk about grief or loss as freely as we do about happy and positive events. However, most of our harmful behaviors are rooted in unprocessed grief. This is why we make New Year's resolutions over and over again and are only successful in the short term; they do not bring long-term solutions. We need to address what is holding us back from a happier future.
So if you're looking for a definitive solution to self-care in the new year, try the following:
Allow yourself to feel your feelings instead of suppressing them. One of the best ways to respect yourself is to slow down when you're not feeling well. When you're happy, you share it with others. So why not do the same when you're sad? When you're honest with yourself, you're less likely to use food, alcohol, or shopping to suppress your feelings. As a bonus, you also convey to others that it's okay to be honest with yourself.
Practice forgiveness! Is it difficult to forgive those who have hurt you? You are not alone. The point is that forgiveness sets you free. It does not mean that you condone or accept the behavior, but simply that you are ready to feel better about yourself. Through forgiveness, you give up the hope of a better or different past. You acknowledge that what someone else did or didn't do was hurtful, but you no longer allow it to hurt you. This gives you freedom.
Don't wait for time to heal! You may have heard that time heals all wounds. But is that really true? Why does your heart still ache for something that happened 5, 10, or even 20 years ago? If it were really just a matter of time, wouldn't 20 years be enough? The sad reality is that the myth of time healing all wounds keeps mourners stuck in their pain. Time just passes. But what you do with that time is what heals you. So this year, think about what you can do to set yourself free. There is no better time than the present to truly practice self-care by processing past relationships that limit your openness to happiness in the present.
Are you ready to start the new year off right?
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Fotó: Gerd Altmann
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